1 00:00:01,918 --> 00:00:03,376 Sorry I'm late. 2 00:00:03,377 --> 00:00:04,836 My liner took me three tries. 3 00:00:04,837 --> 00:00:07,296 Bela, you're literally glowing! 4 00:00:07,297 --> 00:00:09,465 Does this mean what I think it does? 5 00:00:09,466 --> 00:00:11,467 - You and Arvind finally had sex? - Sadly, no. 6 00:00:11,468 --> 00:00:13,302 The orgasmic glow you are noticing is from 7 00:00:13,303 --> 00:00:14,929 a foot-peeling mask that I accidentally used on my face. 8 00:00:14,930 --> 00:00:16,806 - Oh. - It took off the top layer of my skin. 9 00:00:16,807 --> 00:00:19,142 Wow. Am I wrong in assuming this is the longest stretch 10 00:00:19,143 --> 00:00:21,811 - you've gone without having sex? - Sure is, but, 11 00:00:21,812 --> 00:00:24,230 whatever. I have accepted the reality for what it is. 12 00:00:24,231 --> 00:00:26,024 I'll have sex when I'm supposed to have sex. 13 00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:28,486 I'll survive... I think. 14 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,903 Hello, friends. 15 00:00:30,904 --> 00:00:33,573 I brought you all some cupcakes with my face on it. 16 00:00:33,574 --> 00:00:35,742 But please be careful 'cause the photo is not edible. 17 00:00:35,743 --> 00:00:37,243 Somebody got real sick. 18 00:00:37,244 --> 00:00:39,328 Okay, but, um, why? 19 00:00:39,329 --> 00:00:41,122 This is all a part of my grassroots campaign 20 00:00:41,123 --> 00:00:43,249 to get on Essex 50 Most List. 21 00:00:43,250 --> 00:00:45,418 What's Essex's 50 Most List? 22 00:00:45,419 --> 00:00:47,628 The campus magazine does this big issue every year 23 00:00:47,629 --> 00:00:49,422 where they rank the 50 hottest students on campus, 24 00:00:49,423 --> 00:00:50,840 and then they write about them. 25 00:00:50,841 --> 00:00:52,508 It is major social cred. 26 00:00:52,509 --> 00:00:54,677 So I'm already campaigning. 27 00:00:54,678 --> 00:00:57,513 So, remember, that's "Jayla" with a "Y," 28 00:00:57,514 --> 00:00:59,182 not to be confused with Ugly Jala. 29 00:00:59,183 --> 00:01:01,351 Essex has a student organization 30 00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:02,727 that ranks people by their looks, 31 00:01:02,728 --> 00:01:04,312 and I'm just finding out about this now? 32 00:01:04,313 --> 00:01:05,688 Everyone is so thirsty 33 00:01:05,689 --> 00:01:07,482 for that dumb list this time of year. 34 00:01:07,483 --> 00:01:09,359 Half my teammates got blowouts before last week's game. 35 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:10,943 They're all a week ahead of me? 36 00:01:10,944 --> 00:01:12,737 It's so backwards and archaic. 37 00:01:12,738 --> 00:01:14,447 The world needs to get better at acknowledging 38 00:01:14,448 --> 00:01:16,407 that some things are subjective. 39 00:01:16,408 --> 00:01:17,950 Not everything needs to be ranked. 40 00:01:17,951 --> 00:01:19,494 Aren't you obsessed 41 00:01:19,495 --> 00:01:21,162 with the U.S. News and World college rankings? 42 00:01:21,163 --> 00:01:22,622 Not anymore, since they totally fucked us. 43 00:01:22,623 --> 00:01:24,791 Big deal, Columbia has a nursing program. 44 00:01:24,792 --> 00:01:27,251 Our student-to-faculty ratio crushes theirs. 45 00:01:27,252 --> 00:01:28,878 Okay, well, I am so getting on this list. 46 00:01:28,879 --> 00:01:30,213 Do you guys have a good place 47 00:01:30,214 --> 00:01:31,714 where you can get a vampire facial? 48 00:01:31,715 --> 00:01:33,508 I don't know what that means. 49 00:01:33,509 --> 00:01:34,884 - Mm-mm. - Ooh! I just got a text 50 00:01:34,885 --> 00:01:36,219 from Arvind saying he hopes 51 00:01:36,220 --> 00:01:38,346 I'm free tomorrow. Here we go! 52 00:01:38,347 --> 00:01:40,223 Okay! This might be it! 53 00:01:40,224 --> 00:01:44,686 And... he wants me to volunteer with him at an old folks' home. 54 00:01:44,687 --> 00:01:47,689 It's official. I'm definitely never having sex again. 55 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,273 Whitney, can I borrow your Theragun later? 56 00:01:49,274 --> 00:01:50,900 With that segue? No. 57 00:01:50,901 --> 00:01:55,240 Vote for Jayla. Put the "A" in slay. Slay. 58 00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:57,865 I need a tagline. 59 00:01:57,866 --> 00:02:00,910 ♪ I'm-a kick back when you fake like that ♪ 60 00:02:00,911 --> 00:02:04,247 ♪ Head out of the game, I don't play that fact ♪ 61 00:02:04,248 --> 00:02:06,374 ♪ Once you let me go, no, you never come back... ♪ 62 00:02:06,375 --> 00:02:08,084 - That's crazy. - Dude, I can't believe 63 00:02:08,085 --> 00:02:09,502 you were just at soccer practice. 64 00:02:09,503 --> 00:02:11,921 That fall the other day was so gnarly. 65 00:02:11,922 --> 00:02:14,424 - I thought you were dead for a second. - It wasn't that bad. 66 00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:17,719 Did the team doc give you anything? Pills? Shot? 67 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:21,431 No, no, they just, um, told me to ice and rest. 68 00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:23,641 - Whitney! - Hey, Professor Milton. 69 00:02:23,642 --> 00:02:24,976 Uh, Willow, this is, uh, my professor 70 00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:26,436 who's running the fish lab. 71 00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:28,229 The one I've been doing the research with. 72 00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:29,814 Ah, so you're the reason Whitney smells weird 73 00:02:29,815 --> 00:02:31,524 - on Tuesdays and Thursdays. - I certainly am. 74 00:02:31,525 --> 00:02:33,943 And that stink is the price you have to pay 75 00:02:33,944 --> 00:02:35,653 to find a cure for fin rot. 76 00:02:35,654 --> 00:02:37,655 Now, has Whitney explained fin rot to you? 77 00:02:37,656 --> 00:02:39,657 No, but you don't have to, either. I'm good. 78 00:02:39,658 --> 00:02:42,452 Uh, Whitney, unfortunately, I've got some bad news. 79 00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:44,620 The university decided not to fund us. 80 00:02:44,621 --> 00:02:46,205 - Seriously? What the heck. - Mm-hmm. 81 00:02:46,206 --> 00:02:47,874 I-I thought our prospectus was good. 82 00:02:47,875 --> 00:02:50,168 - This is just how it goes in research. - Hmm. 83 00:02:50,169 --> 00:02:51,794 You know, no matter what good we can do, 84 00:02:51,795 --> 00:02:54,005 - we're at the mercy of the dollar. - Right. 85 00:02:54,006 --> 00:02:55,465 Well, thank you for telling me. 86 00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:56,924 Hey, don't let it get you down. 87 00:02:56,925 --> 00:02:58,885 You know, just keep doing what you're doing, 88 00:02:58,886 --> 00:03:01,137 do your work, and eventually, something will bite, and, uh, 89 00:03:01,138 --> 00:03:02,472 let's hope that bite doesn't come 90 00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:04,183 from the Amazonian candiru fish. 91 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:07,977 - Because, because... Do you know the fish? - Because... 92 00:03:07,978 --> 00:03:09,645 - I'll explain. I'll explain it to her. - Oh. 93 00:03:09,646 --> 00:03:11,022 - That's really good. - Thank you. 94 00:03:11,023 --> 00:03:12,440 Thank you. I needed that. 95 00:03:12,441 --> 00:03:13,816 - Yeah. It was nice to meet you. - Yeah. 96 00:03:13,817 --> 00:03:16,361 ♪ Man, when you caught my eye ♪ 97 00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:18,863 ♪ I was losing my mind ♪ 98 00:03:18,864 --> 00:03:21,157 ♪ Dreamed and when I woke... ♪ 99 00:03:21,158 --> 00:03:22,784 Whoa. What's with the spreadsheet? 100 00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:24,243 You know you don't have to do your taxes 101 00:03:24,244 --> 00:03:25,870 until you're, like, 25, right? 102 00:03:25,871 --> 00:03:27,830 Oh, that's not true. 103 00:03:27,831 --> 00:03:29,999 It's not? Well, fuck. 104 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,709 This is an intricate grid of all the in-person 105 00:03:31,710 --> 00:03:33,378 and digital connections I have with students 106 00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:35,380 who work on Essex's 50 Most List. 107 00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:37,924 It shows people who I've gotten to, 108 00:03:37,925 --> 00:03:41,010 and people who I still need to, you know, hunt down. 109 00:03:41,011 --> 00:03:43,513 Wow. You really locked in since learning about the list. 110 00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:46,933 I have to! So many girls are angling for this, 111 00:03:46,934 --> 00:03:49,477 and as a new transfer student, I have to work harder. 112 00:03:49,478 --> 00:03:50,895 I will not be snubbed an award 113 00:03:50,896 --> 00:03:52,980 by some rando who didn't know I existed. 114 00:03:52,981 --> 00:03:54,816 This is how I won Little Miss North Dakota, 115 00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,693 and I've never even set foot in a Dakota. 116 00:03:56,694 --> 00:03:59,278 Well, um, I don't know if this matters to you or not, 117 00:03:59,279 --> 00:04:01,030 but whether or not you make that list, 118 00:04:01,031 --> 00:04:02,365 we think you're beautiful. 119 00:04:02,366 --> 00:04:04,283 Oh, that's so sweet. 120 00:04:04,284 --> 00:04:05,618 Would you be willing to tweet that 121 00:04:05,619 --> 00:04:07,370 from a few hundred fake accounts? 122 00:04:07,371 --> 00:04:10,331 Okay, well, I'm off. I'm officially ahead on all 123 00:04:10,332 --> 00:04:13,042 of my homework and reading, so I have a free day to myself! 124 00:04:13,043 --> 00:04:14,502 Wow. What are you gonna do? 125 00:04:14,503 --> 00:04:16,587 I'm gonna do the official Essex campus tour. 126 00:04:16,588 --> 00:04:17,880 Isn't that for, like, high school students 127 00:04:17,881 --> 00:04:19,841 - who don't go here yet? - It is, 128 00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:21,676 but I couldn't afford to fly here when I applied. 129 00:04:21,677 --> 00:04:23,845 But it's for the best, because I have so many questions 130 00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:26,055 about the benches. 131 00:04:26,056 --> 00:04:27,849 Okay, well, have fun. 132 00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:30,560 Ooh. When you walk by the Essex View office, will you 133 00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:34,022 talk really loudly about how cute Kacey Lynn Baker is? 134 00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:36,942 - Sure. - Yay! Thank you. 135 00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,490 Go fish. 136 00:04:44,491 --> 00:04:45,992 Aren't we playing checkers? 137 00:04:45,993 --> 00:04:47,744 Yeah, we play whatever they think we're playing. 138 00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:49,078 Uh, Estelle, 139 00:04:49,079 --> 00:04:50,913 - you win again. - Ha! 140 00:04:50,914 --> 00:04:53,541 - Suck it, Morris. - Thanks for inviting me. 141 00:04:53,542 --> 00:04:55,084 I did think having a date in an old folks' home 142 00:04:55,085 --> 00:04:56,586 would be weird, and it is, 143 00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:58,671 but I'm loving the unlimited pudding policy. 144 00:04:58,672 --> 00:05:01,466 Of course. I find helping the elderly so rewarding, 145 00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,051 and only half of them are racist, 146 00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:05,219 which is pretty good for people over 80. 147 00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:07,638 - That is good. - This is the girl 148 00:05:07,639 --> 00:05:10,350 Arvind's been dating behind our back. 149 00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:13,019 She's very pretty, but can she make 150 00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:15,188 Ukrainian stuffed peppers? 151 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,940 You know, Arvind, women don't hit 152 00:05:17,941 --> 00:05:20,943 their sexual prime until their 60s. 153 00:05:20,944 --> 00:05:23,279 Uh, sorry about them, they're a little protective of me. 154 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:26,699 No, it's okay, I love a little friendly competition. 155 00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:29,285 - Ooh. - But back off, ladies, he's mine. 156 00:05:29,286 --> 00:05:31,120 What did you say about my back? 157 00:05:31,121 --> 00:05:33,456 Nothing. Your back is great. 158 00:05:33,457 --> 00:05:35,333 No, it isn't. 159 00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:38,670 Hey, I finally have a night off from FAF duties tomorrow. 160 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:41,339 Wait, so do I. We haven't had a night off together in so long. 161 00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:42,799 We have to go out. 162 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:46,260 Out? Like, to a party? Yeah, that could be fun. 163 00:05:46,261 --> 00:05:49,138 Admittedly, ever since I became a FAF, I don't really party. 164 00:05:49,139 --> 00:05:52,642 - Wait, so you haven't been to a party all year? - Calendar year or school year? 165 00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:55,520 - I don't know why I asked that. Either way, the answer is no. - Okay, then, 166 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,313 it's settled, tomorrow I'm taking you out. 167 00:05:57,314 --> 00:06:00,650 Get ready to see Bela Malhotra tear up the campus. 168 00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:02,860 Ooh, okay, let's do it. 169 00:06:02,861 --> 00:06:05,488 Let's get turned. 170 00:06:05,489 --> 00:06:07,615 - It's "turnt." - Turnt. Right. 171 00:06:07,616 --> 00:06:09,200 I think it's so sweet 172 00:06:09,201 --> 00:06:13,037 you both came to this country and found love. 173 00:06:13,038 --> 00:06:15,665 Wow, you know, she's not even the racist one. 174 00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:17,876 Bingo! 175 00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:21,462 So, what do you think of Essex so far? 176 00:06:21,463 --> 00:06:23,339 If I were you, I'd apply early. 177 00:06:23,340 --> 00:06:24,507 It's actually my safety school. 178 00:06:24,508 --> 00:06:26,009 I'm hoping to get into Columbia. 179 00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:27,176 Columbia? 180 00:06:27,177 --> 00:06:28,845 Okay, well, have fun at the Ivy 181 00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:30,930 with the lowest student satisfaction rate 182 00:06:30,931 --> 00:06:32,849 according to multiple Reddit posts. 183 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,976 Hello, prospective students 184 00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:37,562 and prospective parents... and Kimberly? 185 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:39,105 Brian? You're our tour guide? 186 00:06:39,106 --> 00:06:42,025 Yeah. Uh, Kimberly is a fellow student 187 00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:43,985 from one of my classes 188 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:46,362 - who, I guess, is, uh, taking the tour. - Mm-hmm. 189 00:06:46,363 --> 00:06:48,740 - Weird. - No, that's not weird. I guess you could say 190 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:50,533 I'm not just a student at Essex, 191 00:06:50,534 --> 00:06:52,201 I'm also a student of Essex. 192 00:06:52,202 --> 00:06:55,038 Wow, that is going into a brochure, if I have any pull. 193 00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:57,874 Um, so, do you have any special requests? 194 00:06:57,875 --> 00:07:00,168 Okay, I would never want to back-seat tour-guide, 195 00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:03,046 but I do have some questions about the lattice work 196 00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:04,422 in the Divinity Solarium. 197 00:07:04,423 --> 00:07:06,716 And also, I heard that the original desk 198 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:09,385 that John Essex used was converted into a bookcase? 199 00:07:09,386 --> 00:07:11,804 - I would love to see that. - I'd like to see the Sbarro 200 00:07:11,805 --> 00:07:14,140 - in the student center. - Uh, yeah, okay. 201 00:07:14,141 --> 00:07:16,225 Though, unfortunately, we lost our licensing deal, 202 00:07:16,226 --> 00:07:18,353 and it is now called a Sbumo. 203 00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:22,523 Okay, potential Foxes, let's get this tour started. 204 00:07:22,524 --> 00:07:24,067 First up, our library, which was originally 205 00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:26,277 Vermont's first high-security prison. 206 00:07:26,278 --> 00:07:28,613 I fucking knew it. 207 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:31,533 Keep these details coming, Brian, I am living. 208 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:38,790 Goodbye, Doug. I will always remember 209 00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:40,333 the time I accidentally touched you 210 00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:42,585 and got pink eye the next day. 211 00:07:42,586 --> 00:07:45,004 Step away from the tank. 212 00:07:45,005 --> 00:07:46,422 We got the funding! 213 00:07:46,423 --> 00:07:48,132 No way. Really? That's unbelievable. 214 00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:49,634 It is a miracle, although, as a scientist, 215 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,177 I do not believe in those. 216 00:07:51,178 --> 00:07:52,595 Well, now we can finally get that self-cleaning 217 00:07:52,596 --> 00:07:53,680 filtration system and nobody 218 00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:55,264 has to be on algae duty. 219 00:07:55,265 --> 00:07:57,266 Exactly. Although, I do find 220 00:07:57,267 --> 00:07:58,935 scraping the tank to be calming. 221 00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:00,937 Wait, so, who is this mysterious donor? 222 00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:03,231 Some telecom billionaire's venture firm 223 00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:05,108 called Beaconvest Capital. 224 00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:06,609 Really? Oh, God. 225 00:08:06,610 --> 00:08:07,944 What? Did they do something bad? 226 00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:09,612 Is this, like, dirty opioid money? 227 00:08:09,613 --> 00:08:11,406 Actually, don't tell me, I-I really need this. 228 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:12,865 Uh, no, uh... 229 00:08:12,866 --> 00:08:15,702 it's just, that's my boyfriend's dad's company. 230 00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:19,122 It is? Oh, finally, a student with connections. 231 00:08:19,123 --> 00:08:21,124 Hey, if you'd be willing to introduce us, 232 00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:22,959 I have a few proposals I want to run by him. 233 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,128 I have this idea for a restaurant that is awesome. 234 00:08:25,129 --> 00:08:27,797 All right, boys, tonight, we celebrate. 235 00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:29,799 Double flakes for everyone. 236 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,844 Oop, sorry, Shelly. Shouldn't have said "boys." 237 00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:35,888 ♪ I came here ready for a good time... ♪ 238 00:08:35,889 --> 00:08:39,058 I think if you, like, went into that situation... 239 00:08:39,059 --> 00:08:41,978 - Excuse me. - Heads up, the frats are doing hell week, 240 00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:43,771 so everybody be on the lookout for pranks. 241 00:08:43,772 --> 00:08:46,232 And by pranks, I do mean people pooping 242 00:08:46,233 --> 00:08:49,027 - in the laundry dryers. - That can't be real. 243 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:51,654 What the hell is wrong with people? 244 00:08:51,655 --> 00:08:53,656 Taylor, you changed your hair. 245 00:08:53,657 --> 00:08:55,324 And now I know why the shower's pink. 246 00:08:55,325 --> 00:08:57,160 It's great you're here, actually, 'cause we were just 247 00:08:57,161 --> 00:08:58,828 discussing the letter you slipped under our door. 248 00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:00,580 My letter? What letter? 249 00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,248 The one suggesting that we all attend 250 00:09:02,249 --> 00:09:04,792 the queer rodeo fundraising party tonight 251 00:09:04,793 --> 00:09:07,086 regardless of our sexualities 252 00:09:07,087 --> 00:09:10,715 because "allyship starts with action"? 253 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:12,552 Yes... 254 00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:15,595 Right. I wrote this. 255 00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:17,263 Of course you did. It's signed "from Bela" 256 00:09:17,264 --> 00:09:19,223 and you misspelled the word "environment." 257 00:09:19,224 --> 00:09:20,391 Classic Bela. 258 00:09:20,392 --> 00:09:22,518 Classic. 259 00:09:22,519 --> 00:09:25,605 Hey, Taylor, can I talk to you outside for a second? 260 00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:28,316 - What the hell is going on? - I figured out how to get with Chloe. 261 00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,526 Chloe your roommate? Who you told me is straight? 262 00:09:30,527 --> 00:09:33,696 She says she's straight. My gaydar for her is going off 263 00:09:33,697 --> 00:09:35,865 like you at a Men's Warehouse clearance sale. 264 00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,867 People like my neckties. 265 00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:39,869 I think if I can get Chloe to a big queer party, 266 00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:42,246 she might feel comfortable enough coming out to me. 267 00:09:42,247 --> 00:09:43,748 So you lied and made it sound like 268 00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:45,375 I'm forcing them to attend 269 00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:48,127 and that I can't spell a simple, three-syllable word. 270 00:09:48,128 --> 00:09:49,212 Four, babe. 271 00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:50,880 En-vi-ro... 272 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:52,048 damn it. 273 00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:54,217 Fine, I won't blow up your plan. 274 00:09:54,218 --> 00:09:56,344 - Thank you. - But just know that I will be attending 275 00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:58,763 this party as well, not because of anything that happened here, 276 00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:01,557 but because a queer rodeo sounds really fun. 277 00:10:01,558 --> 00:10:03,142 Please don't go to it. 278 00:10:03,143 --> 00:10:05,770 It's too late. It's already happening. 279 00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:08,232 See you there, Taylor. 280 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,943 Mmm. 281 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:14,445 This panini is literally rocking my world. 282 00:10:14,446 --> 00:10:16,239 You want a bite? 283 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,408 Who invented the panini? 284 00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,910 The exact origin of the panini is unknown. 285 00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:22,745 Well, ain't that some shit? 286 00:10:22,746 --> 00:10:24,080 Oh, my God. 287 00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:25,581 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - What? What? 288 00:10:25,582 --> 00:10:27,041 That guy's dropping off 289 00:10:27,042 --> 00:10:28,795 the magazines with the 50 Most List. 290 00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:32,380 - Oh, my God! I'm coming. - Excuse me. 291 00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:34,300 Look out. Tall and tiny coming through. 292 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:38,052 No. No, no, no. Come on. 293 00:10:38,053 --> 00:10:41,264 A 10% off coupon for Sips? When did I approve that? 294 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,765 Who are these people? 295 00:10:42,766 --> 00:10:46,978 Uggo, legacy, nepo... 296 00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:48,521 Damn, you judge fast. 297 00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:50,940 47, 48, 49... 298 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:53,109 There's only one page left. 299 00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,652 Oh, fuck. 300 00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:56,488 Well, maybe it's you. 301 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,783 Calvin?! 302 00:11:00,784 --> 00:11:03,161 Isn't that the guy who cheated on you? 303 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:05,790 Damn, he's got a thicker neck than I remember. 304 00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:11,211 What? I can hate the guy and not hate his hot neck. 305 00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,090 Wow, Brian, you were such a good tour guide. 306 00:11:16,091 --> 00:11:18,760 I don't care what those stupid high school kids said. 307 00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:20,178 Wait, what did they say? 308 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:21,971 Oh, uh, nothing. They loved it. 309 00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,308 And, um, they loved the length of your khaki pants. 310 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,478 Well, you were a lot more fun than my normal audience. 311 00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:31,397 But there's one spot I never get to include in the tour, 312 00:11:31,398 --> 00:11:33,900 and I knew I had to show you. 313 00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:36,778 Oh, my God. What is? The anticipation is killing me. 314 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,738 Most people don't find this interesting, but... 315 00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:40,782 this line of stones was 316 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,618 the original property line of Essex college. 317 00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:44,994 Oh, my God. 318 00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:47,372 So are you saying that if it were 1680, 319 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:49,832 I wouldn't even be standing on Essex property right now? 320 00:11:49,833 --> 00:11:51,459 That's right. 321 00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:53,836 You would be standing on contested Dutch territory. 322 00:11:53,837 --> 00:11:56,506 Brian, I am losing my shit right now! 323 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:59,342 It's insane that they make you take this out of the tour. 324 00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:02,053 - Everyone deserves to know this. - Right? 325 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:05,139 Some of us like that it's more of a secret. 326 00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:06,516 Whoa, Professor Friedman. 327 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:07,767 What are you doing here? 328 00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:09,852 Well, I was having a quiet lunch 329 00:12:09,853 --> 00:12:11,523 alone with my thoughts. 330 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,482 Wait, you two aren't on some weird little date, are you? 331 00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:16,150 - Oh, not at all. No. - Oh, of course not. 332 00:12:16,151 --> 00:12:17,944 I don't like when my students date. 333 00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:20,530 The last two that did became rival judges 334 00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:21,989 and a man was executed. 335 00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:23,658 He did bomb a building, 336 00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,284 but that trial was messy. 337 00:12:25,285 --> 00:12:27,870 Oh. Well, no need to worry. Uh, we're just friends. 338 00:12:27,871 --> 00:12:30,081 Yeah, less than friends. Just acquaintances, even. 339 00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:32,168 - Respectfully. - Respectfully. 340 00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:34,919 - Well, I should go. - Yeah. 341 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,382 Uh, but I'll see you guys in the symposium. 342 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:40,675 Oh. 343 00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:41,802 Just, uh... 344 00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,347 Now I can go. 345 00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:51,477 Hey. Can I talk to you for a second? 346 00:12:51,478 --> 00:12:52,562 Yeah, what's up, Whitney? 347 00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:53,980 Not you, Terry. 348 00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:56,858 Okay. I'll step to the side, but... 349 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,486 I'll be listening. 350 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:02,071 - What's up? - Did you get your dad to fund my lab? 351 00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:03,740 I did. When you told me about your lab 352 00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:05,116 losing funding, I reached out to him. 353 00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:07,076 He loves funding science and innovation. 354 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,911 He was an angel investor in the Snuggie 355 00:13:08,912 --> 00:13:10,872 and, uh, that's what got us our Paris home. 356 00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:12,290 Wow. Okay. 357 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,083 Well, I know you were trying to be nice, 358 00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:16,252 but I mean, $200,000 is a lot of money. 359 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:19,382 You gave your girlfriend $200,000? 360 00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:22,216 What? I said I'd be listening. 361 00:13:22,217 --> 00:13:25,094 What? Did I do something wrong? You seem mad at me. 362 00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:27,096 Well, I just wish you would've told me first. 363 00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:28,890 Look, I don't want to feel like I owe you anything. 364 00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,475 The whole thing just makes me feel weird. 365 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,809 You think you feel weird? 366 00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:33,561 I just found out he gave you $200,000. 367 00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:35,063 Yet he still owes me ten bucks for wings. 368 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,606 Make it make sense. 369 00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,608 Terry, my Venmo notifications are turned off. 370 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:40,610 - Well, consider yourself notified. - Oh, my... 371 00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:43,571 Look, if I want to do something nice for you, that's on me. 372 00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:45,531 Money is money. You don't owe me anything. 373 00:13:45,532 --> 00:13:47,033 So it shouldn't matter where it came from. 374 00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:48,951 Yeah, well, it matters to me. 375 00:13:48,952 --> 00:13:52,038 Same. Same. 376 00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:53,998 ♪ I don't pay them no mind ♪ 377 00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:55,375 ♪ If loving you is wrong ♪ 378 00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,752 ♪ I don't want to be right... ♪ 379 00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:00,338 - Cheers! - Great night! 380 00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:01,839 ♪ Say that we ain't welcome there ♪ 381 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,466 ♪ We'll just fly to California ♪ 382 00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:05,802 ♪ Put some flowers in my hair ♪ 383 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:08,596 ♪ They can say what they want to say... ♪ 384 00:14:08,597 --> 00:14:10,723 Guys, I need this party tonight. 385 00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:12,225 I'm so annoyed at Isaiah, 386 00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:14,143 which is why I'm excited to drink until I forget 387 00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:16,145 - about why I'm annoyed at him. - Yeah! 388 00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:17,980 Who needs men when you've got good music, 389 00:14:17,981 --> 00:14:19,691 great vibes and the best gals. 390 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,776 And me, Arvind! 391 00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:23,277 Who wants another shot? 392 00:14:23,278 --> 00:14:24,987 It's so fun that you're here, Arvind. 393 00:14:24,988 --> 00:14:26,489 We never have guests at our pregame. 394 00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:27,907 Oh, that's because we're giving him 395 00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:29,242 the full party experience. 396 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,494 Keg stands, sweaty dancing, 397 00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:34,747 and not realizing how drunk you are until you sit down to pee. 398 00:14:34,748 --> 00:14:36,124 Can I get a yeehaw? 399 00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,292 - Yeehaw! - Yeehaw! 400 00:14:38,293 --> 00:14:42,006 Yippie-ki-yi-yay who fucking cares. 401 00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:45,466 Um, girl, are you good? 402 00:14:45,467 --> 00:14:47,343 No. No, I'm hideous. 403 00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:49,262 I'm not one of the top 50 hottest people 404 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,680 on this campus, and Calvin is. 405 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:52,015 Which basically means 406 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,183 I'm human dumpster water, and worse... 407 00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:55,518 I lost my breakup. 408 00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:58,229 Kacey, please stop. You're beautiful. 409 00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,690 And Calvin being on that list should confirm how dumb it is. 410 00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:03,192 Yeah, he looks like a thumb and his mouth is a knuckle. 411 00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:05,153 Yeah, his lips are the same color as his face. 412 00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:07,405 And worst of all? He's ugly on the inside. 413 00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:10,033 No, no. Continue making fun of his outside looks. 414 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,659 I'll say it. He's got date rape vibes. 415 00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:12,660 - Oh, my God. - What? 416 00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:13,661 - What? - Too far! 417 00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:14,996 What? He does. 418 00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,539 I hate that this man broke your heart, 419 00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:18,708 and you should know your scars are 420 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,918 - what make you most beautiful. - Too much, Arvind. 421 00:15:20,919 --> 00:15:22,462 Sorry. I'm still learning how to pregame. 422 00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:24,047 Kacey, come to the party with us. 423 00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,465 It'll make you feel better. 424 00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,175 Oh, I'm going. 425 00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:30,053 I may be ugly, but that doesn't mean I don't exist. 426 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,387 So, again, you are not... 427 00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,222 And if I don't go out, then they win. 428 00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:36,142 And I refuse to let them win. 429 00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:38,978 Wait for me, I'm gonna go put my extensions in. 430 00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:40,480 You don't need to extend anything. 431 00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,161 Everything about you is the perfect length! 432 00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:44,776 Do not let her put Taylor Swift on, 433 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,402 she will get lost in the song and never come out. 434 00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:47,612 Go, go, go. 435 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:48,821 ♪ Girl ♪ 436 00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:50,740 ♪ You my lil' boo thang ♪ 437 00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,408 ♪ So I don't give a hoot what your dude say, girl ♪ 438 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,410 ♪ I know you a lil' too tame ♪ 439 00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,454 ♪ I'll be shooting that shot like 2K, girl ♪ 440 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:58,956 ♪ I know, tell them I'm, tell them I'm next... ♪ 441 00:15:58,957 --> 00:16:01,501 - Am I off? - This is impossible. 442 00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,252 When do we clap? 443 00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:06,756 ♪ Tell them you found a lil' something fresh, I know... ♪ 444 00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:09,008 How are you doing this so well? 445 00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,259 Oh, it's easy. Ready? 446 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:13,596 It's tap, tap, shuffle, and hop. 447 00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:15,765 I think I got the hop part, but not the other stuff. 448 00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:18,768 In my town, you had to take a line dancing class 449 00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:19,769 to graduate high school. 450 00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,354 Why don't they just play 451 00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:23,272 one of those songs where the lyrics are instructions? 452 00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:24,607 Okay, now cowboy up. 453 00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:26,484 Yeah, but what does that mean? Ow! 454 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,820 I give up. Let's get out of the stomp zone. 455 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,154 - Absolutely. - Please. 456 00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:31,948 ♪ To the back, to the front ♪ 457 00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:33,449 ♪ You a ten, baby girl... ♪ 458 00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:35,284 You guys looked like shit out there. 459 00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:38,079 Oh, I'm not judging. I'm also very bad. 460 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,998 I'm Lewis, by the way, nice to meet you. 461 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,000 - Hey, cool party. - Oh, you think 462 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,545 just because I'm gay it's my party? 463 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,920 Just kidding! It is. I planned the whole thing. 464 00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:47,382 She's cute, right? 465 00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:49,173 Yeah, what's the bucket for? 466 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:50,466 Oh, we're collecting donations 467 00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,093 for our friend's top surgery. 468 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,886 Boob-voyage, baby. 469 00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:55,304 Hell, yeah. I'll donate to that. 470 00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:56,848 It's an honor to be a part 471 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,641 of someone's gender journey. 472 00:16:58,642 --> 00:17:00,435 Howdy, my hotties! Howdy. 473 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,103 Ooh. Let me put something in the pot. 474 00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,313 Oh, I know you have more money than that. 475 00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:07,650 Let me know if you need any help searching those pockets. 476 00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:09,485 Oh, Canaan, this is Lewis. 477 00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:12,071 He's the one that got fired from Sips before you got hired. 478 00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:14,157 Lila and I were a disaster together. 479 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:17,326 Oh, I've missed you, you little slut. 480 00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:19,328 Lila, where's your Instacart hottie? 481 00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:21,748 Oh, sadly, Gabe and I have drifted apart. 482 00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:23,833 But someday, on a dark and lonely night 483 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,377 when I realize I need some household products, 484 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,296 perhaps we shall reunite. 485 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:32,050 Until then, who is down to hoedown? 486 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,343 I am. 487 00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,345 Oh, yes, my long-backed angel. 488 00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:38,097 Let's get that flat ass on the dance floor, shall we? 489 00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:39,182 - Oh, yeah. - Nothing long-backed. 490 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,852 Come on! 491 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,812 ♪ Whoa-oh, whoa ♪ 492 00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:48,232 ♪ You're lovely cold and I swear... ♪ 493 00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:51,527 Damn, Lila, those are some impressive dance moves. 494 00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:53,029 Oh, these aren't dance moves, 495 00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,864 they are select body movements 496 00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:58,370 meant to catch the eye of the hot-ass cowboy over there. 497 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:00,705 And... it... 498 00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,623 worked. Bye, bitches. 499 00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,833 This is so much more fun 500 00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:07,543 than Catan night with the boys. 501 00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:09,921 Bela, thank you so much for bringing me. 502 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,506 Aw, look at us. 503 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,466 No first-years to take care of. 504 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:16,678 Is a student triggered by an incident with their roommate? 505 00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,638 Bela doesn't care. She's off tonight. 506 00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,723 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, is a student homesick? 507 00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:22,100 Arvind doesn't care. 508 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,726 Well, he does care, he loves people 509 00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:25,103 and he really wants them to be happy, 510 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,605 but he's off tonight. 511 00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:30,318 I'm gonna go get us another drink. M'lady. 512 00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,069 Seems like Arvind's having fun. 513 00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:36,823 Yeah. I feel like I'm getting to know a whole new side of him. 514 00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:38,660 Look at him swirl in that ice. 515 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,036 And he's, like, totally been all over me. 516 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:45,331 I think tonight might be the night we finally have sex. 517 00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:47,333 I doubt it, babe. 518 00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:49,337 That boy is drunk. 519 00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:54,091 I think I overestimated his tolerance. 520 00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:58,094 I got to sober him up. Does anyone have any rice? 521 00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:02,224 Or, uh, pieces of bread like you might feed to a duck? 522 00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:05,935 ♪ I'm here for a good time ♪ 523 00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:07,270 ♪ Not a long time... ♪ 524 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:08,855 Chloe! 525 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:09,981 You made it. 526 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,065 Of course. 527 00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:12,275 Anything for a good cause. 528 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,943 And isn't it so great 529 00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:16,779 we can be in a place where we can truly be ourselves? 530 00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,114 In the dining hall? 531 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,490 Yeah. 532 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:20,491 Sure. 533 00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:22,368 I love your outfit, by the way. 534 00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:24,412 Thank you. It's my take on Western wear, 535 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,456 based on one ten-second Google search. 536 00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:28,958 It's hot. I'm gonna get a drink. 537 00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:30,293 Okay. 538 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:32,128 You're gay for straight. 539 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:33,463 Excuse me? 540 00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:34,964 You're gaming on a straight girl. 541 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:36,132 I've meticulously 542 00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,759 catalogued all the gay women 543 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,720 on this campus and that girl is not in my binder. 544 00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,849 - Who is she? - My roommate. 545 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,308 And what makes you so sure she's straight? 546 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:48,561 Her nails. Girl's got a stiletto manicure. 547 00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:51,564 These are the hands of a hardworking lesbian. 548 00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,483 Okay. But when we're alone, 549 00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:55,276 she's always playing with my hair 550 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,570 - and touching my leg and I just... - And that means nothing. 551 00:19:57,571 --> 00:20:00,239 A straight girl will flirt with you one minute, 552 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,657 and make out with your brother 553 00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:03,534 at his laser tag birthday party the next. 554 00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:04,911 Worst day of my life. 555 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:06,746 I'm pretty sure that won't happen to me. 556 00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,708 And I know I'm right about Chloe. 557 00:20:11,586 --> 00:20:14,295 You're gonna regret not listening to your queer elders. 558 00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:16,005 You're two years older than me. 559 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:19,842 ♪ I got a taste for individuality... ♪ 560 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:22,345 - I have to come clean about something. - Mm-hmm. 561 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:24,180 I don't know what cold foam means 562 00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,224 and whenever someone orders it, I just give them whipped cream. 563 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,684 Kimberly, no Sips talk. 564 00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:30,186 - Respect my work-life balance. - Okay. 565 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:31,312 Brian! 566 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:32,939 Oh. Kimberly, h-hi. 567 00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:34,190 Lila, this is Brian. 568 00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:35,692 He's the guy from my symposium 569 00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:37,110 who I spent the whole day with. 570 00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,528 Oh, yes! The Essex tour. 571 00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:39,946 What a cool and normal way 572 00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:41,489 for people our age to spend an afternoon. 573 00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:43,741 Oh. Um... I meant to tell you. 574 00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,368 The book on gerrymandering that Professor Friedman mentioned 575 00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,286 is back in circulation tomorrow. 576 00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:48,705 Yeah, I got the notification, too. 577 00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:50,790 Oh! Okay, well, I guess it's gonna be 578 00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,836 a race to the library, and we'll see who wins. 579 00:20:53,545 --> 00:20:55,003 Well, this was weird to watch. 580 00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:57,380 Like two prime numbers having a meet-cute. 581 00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:59,215 See you later, Kimberly and Himberly. 582 00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:00,383 Himberly? 583 00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:02,385 Wait, is she making fun of us 584 00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,429 because we have a lot in common or something? 585 00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,389 That's silly. 586 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:09,308 ♪ Come on, make me feel alive... ♪ 587 00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:11,394 ♪ You still linger in my bed ♪ 588 00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:14,188 ♪ Your whispers in my head... ♪ 589 00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:17,316 You're really holding your own on the dance floor. 590 00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:19,652 Yeah, well, thanks to a mother-son dance 591 00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:21,904 I didn't want to do at my parents' vow renewal, 592 00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:23,740 I can do this. 593 00:21:23,741 --> 00:21:25,493 Whoa. 594 00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,578 ♪ I want to know... ♪ 595 00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:30,329 You dipped and kissed your mom? 596 00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:32,248 What? No, not the kiss part. 597 00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:33,666 Okay, good. 598 00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:36,210 God, you look so damn beautiful tonight. 599 00:21:36,211 --> 00:21:38,129 Aww. 600 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:40,631 ♪ Tell me, how the hell did we end up here? ♪ 601 00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:43,259 Not beautiful enough to be on that list. 602 00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:45,928 Hey, will you let that go? 603 00:21:45,929 --> 00:21:47,430 When I tell you you're beautiful, 604 00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:48,806 I want you to believe it. 605 00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:50,767 I don't want you to put yourself down. 606 00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:53,102 Hey. That list doesn't matter. 607 00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:54,645 You wouldn't understand. 608 00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:57,273 You're a boy who probably got praised for being tall 609 00:21:57,274 --> 00:21:59,484 and athletic and-and smart. 610 00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:00,610 But you know what made my parents smile? 611 00:22:00,611 --> 00:22:02,028 When people at the grocery store 612 00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:03,863 would stop to tell them how pretty I was. 613 00:22:03,864 --> 00:22:06,949 Because girls don't get the same treatment as boys. 614 00:22:06,950 --> 00:22:09,577 The world tells us, very loud and very clear, 615 00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:11,662 that our looks do matter, and, yeah, maybe 616 00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:13,498 I don't want that to be the case, because 617 00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:15,375 the amount of effort that I have to put into it 618 00:22:15,376 --> 00:22:17,126 is absolutely exhausting, 619 00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:18,628 Okay. I'm sorry. 620 00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:19,962 ♪ In my head ♪ 621 00:22:19,963 --> 00:22:21,798 ♪ And it makes me want to go ♪ 622 00:22:21,799 --> 00:22:23,633 ♪ Back to sleep... ♪ 623 00:22:23,634 --> 00:22:26,177 - Can we just go? - Yeah. 624 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,805 ♪ Still belong to you... ♪ 625 00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:30,848 ♪ Dive into my dreams ♪ 626 00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:32,475 ♪ Back to my dreams... ♪ 627 00:22:32,476 --> 00:22:35,645 Boys, girls, gays and theys, listen up. 628 00:22:35,646 --> 00:22:38,356 Thank you all so much for coming out tonight 629 00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:39,982 to support queer students at Essex 630 00:22:39,983 --> 00:22:42,026 and the issues that are important to them. 631 00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:44,654 Thanks to your donations, 632 00:22:44,655 --> 00:22:47,490 we've been able to gather enough money 633 00:22:47,491 --> 00:22:51,161 to help our president Sam get top surgery. 634 00:22:53,498 --> 00:22:54,664 All right, enough talking. 635 00:22:54,665 --> 00:22:57,251 How about a little live music? 636 00:23:02,674 --> 00:23:05,008 ♪ Oh ♪ 637 00:23:05,009 --> 00:23:07,552 ♪ All I want is somebody who wants me ♪ 638 00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:10,346 ♪ Come on and take me home ♪ 639 00:23:10,347 --> 00:23:12,682 ♪ Oh ♪ 640 00:23:12,683 --> 00:23:15,643 ♪ If you want me, then show me you love me ♪ 641 00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:18,021 ♪ Come on and take me home ♪ 642 00:23:18,022 --> 00:23:21,109 ♪ Tell me you love me, just tell me you love me ♪ 643 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:23,693 ♪ Tell me you love me ♪ 644 00:23:23,694 --> 00:23:25,820 ♪ Come on and take me home ♪ 645 00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:27,488 ♪ Tell me you love me ♪ 646 00:23:27,489 --> 00:23:29,365 ♪ Just tell me you love me ♪ 647 00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:32,035 ♪ Tell me you love me... ♪ 648 00:23:32,036 --> 00:23:33,369 Mmm. 649 00:23:33,370 --> 00:23:34,871 This is good. What do you call this? 650 00:23:34,872 --> 00:23:36,873 - It's ice water. Finish it. - Oh. 651 00:23:36,874 --> 00:23:39,208 This is sick. I love this stuff. 652 00:23:39,209 --> 00:23:43,588 I'm so inspired by all the queer bravery on display today. 653 00:23:43,589 --> 00:23:47,133 Hey, love is love and I love you all! 654 00:23:47,134 --> 00:23:50,511 Maybe we should go outside and get you some fresh air. 655 00:23:50,512 --> 00:23:52,096 What? No, it's a party. 656 00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:54,849 I'm an ally. As a matter of fact, I think I should make 657 00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:56,893 - a speech for everyone. - No, Arvind, I don't think... 658 00:23:56,894 --> 00:23:58,686 - I should give, like, a little speech. - that's a good idea. 659 00:23:58,687 --> 00:24:00,439 Well, we'll let them be the judge of that... 660 00:24:04,736 --> 00:24:06,486 You saved me from my fall. 661 00:24:06,487 --> 00:24:08,363 I didn't. At all. 662 00:24:08,364 --> 00:24:12,200 Hey, Bela, I was thinking we should go back to your place 663 00:24:12,201 --> 00:24:14,243 and sex. 664 00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:16,204 I do want that, 665 00:24:16,205 --> 00:24:19,082 but I think we should wait until you're a little more present. 666 00:24:19,083 --> 00:24:22,794 Oh, I'm all present. Unwrap me, Santa. 667 00:24:22,795 --> 00:24:24,462 - Okay. - Okay. 668 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:26,756 - We're getting up? Okay. - Yes, we are. Okay. 669 00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:30,051 Maybe instead of sex we get you some Gatorade and nachos? 670 00:24:30,052 --> 00:24:32,637 - Okay, that sounds good, too. - It does sound good, doesn't it? 671 00:24:32,638 --> 00:24:34,722 ♪ Tell me you love me ♪ 672 00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:37,100 ♪ Just tell me you love me ♪ 673 00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:39,729 ♪ Tell me you love me... ♪ 674 00:24:42,065 --> 00:24:43,606 Looking at your phone at a party 675 00:24:43,607 --> 00:24:44,941 because you're stressed, 676 00:24:44,942 --> 00:24:46,192 or you're just trying to act cool? 677 00:24:46,193 --> 00:24:48,069 No, it's not that. Um... 678 00:24:48,070 --> 00:24:50,571 Isaiah and I got into a fight before this. 679 00:24:50,572 --> 00:24:52,281 - What happened? - He got his rich dad 680 00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:54,200 to fund my research project. 681 00:24:54,201 --> 00:24:55,702 And I know I should be happy, 682 00:24:55,703 --> 00:24:57,203 because it lets me keep going and I've put 683 00:24:57,204 --> 00:24:58,996 so much work into this, but... I don't know, 684 00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:00,873 I just hate feeling like I owe him. 685 00:25:00,874 --> 00:25:03,626 I get you. I've felt that same thing. 686 00:25:03,627 --> 00:25:05,795 Sometimes I'm at these scholarship dinners, 687 00:25:05,796 --> 00:25:08,297 and I feel like I'm supposed to be smiling and groveling 688 00:25:08,298 --> 00:25:11,801 and laughing at their weird jokes about tax evasion. 689 00:25:11,802 --> 00:25:13,928 But I didn't make them donate anything. 690 00:25:13,929 --> 00:25:16,055 You know, what they do with their money is on them, not me. 691 00:25:16,056 --> 00:25:18,933 That's sort of exactly what Isaiah said, 692 00:25:18,934 --> 00:25:22,020 but it makes more sense coming from you? 693 00:25:22,021 --> 00:25:23,940 Most things do. 694 00:25:25,483 --> 00:25:26,858 Um, my homie just pulled up. 695 00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:29,777 But congratulations on your funding. 696 00:25:29,778 --> 00:25:32,905 - Thank you. - You take that money and you... 697 00:25:32,906 --> 00:25:34,782 build a rocket, I don't know, I-I don't... 698 00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:36,869 - Wow. Okay. - Understand what you do. 699 00:25:40,749 --> 00:25:43,541 ♪ Go ahead, you can give it to me ♪ 700 00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:45,668 ♪ I won't ask for much ♪ 701 00:25:45,669 --> 00:25:47,337 ♪ Just all your love ♪ 702 00:25:47,338 --> 00:25:48,796 ♪ Go ahead ♪ 703 00:25:48,797 --> 00:25:50,673 ♪ You can give it to me ♪ 704 00:25:50,674 --> 00:25:52,842 ♪ Hung up on your touch ♪ 705 00:25:52,843 --> 00:25:54,761 ♪ If I'm the one you want ♪ 706 00:25:54,762 --> 00:25:56,929 ♪ Go ahead ♪ 707 00:25:56,930 --> 00:26:00,350 ♪ You can give it to me, oh ♪ 708 00:26:00,351 --> 00:26:04,145 ♪ All I want is somebody who wants me ♪ 709 00:26:04,146 --> 00:26:06,564 ♪ Come on and take me home ♪ 710 00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:09,025 ♪ Oh ♪ 711 00:26:09,026 --> 00:26:11,152 ♪ If you want me, then show me... ♪ 712 00:26:11,153 --> 00:26:12,862 I'm-I'm sorry. 713 00:26:12,863 --> 00:26:15,156 - Oh. No. - I'm not... 714 00:26:15,157 --> 00:26:16,991 - No, it's-it's, uh... - Uh... 715 00:26:16,992 --> 00:26:19,660 I'm-I'm so sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. 716 00:26:19,661 --> 00:26:21,871 Uh... 717 00:26:21,872 --> 00:26:24,457 I-I hope this doesn't make things awkward 718 00:26:24,458 --> 00:26:26,334 between us as roommates. 719 00:26:26,335 --> 00:26:27,710 Totally, i-it... 720 00:26:27,711 --> 00:26:29,879 Of course. 721 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,716 Would you excuse me? 722 00:26:37,514 --> 00:26:38,638 Ooh, you okay? 723 00:26:38,639 --> 00:26:40,891 I just need a moment. 724 00:26:43,561 --> 00:26:45,311 Happy Pride, losers! 725 00:26:45,312 --> 00:26:46,688 - Gay! - Gay! 726 00:26:46,689 --> 00:26:48,731 Hell week! 727 00:26:48,732 --> 00:26:51,067 - Fucking assholes! What... - Hey! 728 00:26:51,068 --> 00:26:54,153 - Hey, fuck you! - Let's go. Go, go! 729 00:26:54,154 --> 00:26:55,613 Suck my gay dick! 730 00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:57,907 Did you just throw a muffin? 731 00:26:57,908 --> 00:27:00,451 I did. It was all I had. 732 00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:02,537 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 733 00:27:02,538 --> 00:27:04,372 Thanks. 734 00:27:04,373 --> 00:27:06,582 Why do you look so familiar? 735 00:27:06,583 --> 00:27:08,793 We met at-at speed dating. 736 00:27:08,794 --> 00:27:10,670 Yeah, you gave me your number 737 00:27:10,671 --> 00:27:13,214 and-and then you never texted me back. 738 00:27:13,215 --> 00:27:14,757 Right. 739 00:27:14,758 --> 00:27:17,468 And you've totally forgiven me. 740 00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:18,678 That's so big of you. 741 00:27:18,679 --> 00:27:19,846 Well, it helps to be hot. 742 00:27:19,847 --> 00:27:22,181 Yeah. That is true. 743 00:27:22,182 --> 00:27:24,436 I've never forgiven an ugly person. 744 00:27:25,395 --> 00:27:26,519 Could I walk you home? 745 00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:29,480 I would like that, actually. 746 00:27:29,481 --> 00:27:31,482 And sorry for not texting you back. 747 00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:34,902 I... got distracted by something that was not worth my time. 748 00:27:34,903 --> 00:27:37,782 Well, uh, let's hope that I am. 749 00:27:38,908 --> 00:27:40,116 Let's actually get going, though, 750 00:27:40,117 --> 00:27:41,909 because I worry, with the egg on you, 751 00:27:41,910 --> 00:27:43,703 that the raccoons are gonna find us. 752 00:27:43,704 --> 00:27:45,789 Well, you'll protect me, no? 753 00:27:53,798 --> 00:27:55,965 Cooper, I don't have any makeup on. 754 00:27:55,966 --> 00:27:58,968 I told you, no unannounced visits or pre-bed FaceTimes. 755 00:27:58,969 --> 00:28:00,762 You look cute, all right? 756 00:28:00,763 --> 00:28:02,263 I like your crazy morning hair. 757 00:28:02,264 --> 00:28:04,223 Oh. What are you doing here? 758 00:28:04,224 --> 00:28:06,225 I just came by to tell you that a student 759 00:28:06,226 --> 00:28:08,936 got removed from Essex's 50 Most List 760 00:28:08,937 --> 00:28:10,813 over some questionable tweets about 761 00:28:10,814 --> 00:28:12,940 that were deeply misogynistic. 762 00:28:12,941 --> 00:28:16,027 Tweets that somebody stayed up all night finding 763 00:28:16,028 --> 00:28:18,821 and sending to their friend that works on the magazine. 764 00:28:18,822 --> 00:28:21,282 - You didn't. - I did. 765 00:28:21,283 --> 00:28:24,035 I did, and I got to recommend a replacement. 766 00:28:24,036 --> 00:28:27,205 Kacey Lynne Baker, in my mind, you always were, 767 00:28:27,206 --> 00:28:30,291 but you are now officially one of Essex's 768 00:28:30,292 --> 00:28:32,378 50 Hottest Students. 769 00:28:33,963 --> 00:28:35,463 Yeah, oh, and they want a picture, 770 00:28:35,464 --> 00:28:37,173 - like, now, so... - Oh... No! 771 00:28:37,174 --> 00:28:39,008 I'm not camera-ready. 772 00:28:39,009 --> 00:28:43,096 I'm joking, okay? Go get ready. 773 00:28:43,097 --> 00:28:44,764 Oh, wait. 774 00:28:44,765 --> 00:28:46,724 - Thank you. - Oh. Yeah. 775 00:28:46,725 --> 00:28:49,812 Yes! Ha! 776 00:28:51,523 --> 00:28:53,981 ♪ I wonder how it feels ♪ 777 00:28:53,982 --> 00:28:56,275 ♪ To really sleep at night ♪ 778 00:28:56,276 --> 00:29:00,031 ♪ Instead I ask him all these questions ♪ 779 00:29:02,701 --> 00:29:05,201 ♪ If I could look you in the eyes ♪ 780 00:29:05,202 --> 00:29:06,828 ♪ Would I even say... ♪ 781 00:29:06,829 --> 00:29:09,414 - You doing all right? - Yeah. 782 00:29:09,415 --> 00:29:10,790 I regret nothing. 783 00:29:10,791 --> 00:29:13,378 Thanks for an amazing night. 784 00:29:14,462 --> 00:29:17,757 ♪ In my mind ♪ 785 00:29:18,508 --> 00:29:22,093 ♪ You are the one that I see ♪ 786 00:29:22,094 --> 00:29:23,720 ♪ Can't shake these... ♪ 787 00:29:23,721 --> 00:29:25,763 Find a pic you like? 788 00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:27,473 Yep. 789 00:29:27,474 --> 00:29:29,976 ♪ On repeat ♪ 790 00:29:29,977 --> 00:29:33,563 ♪ I already lost you once ♪ 791 00:29:33,564 --> 00:29:36,232 ♪ Can't lose you now ♪ 792 00:29:36,233 --> 00:29:39,152 ♪ I wonder what it's like ♪ 793 00:29:39,153 --> 00:29:42,113 ♪ To really lose your mind ♪ 794 00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:46,036 ♪ Instead of feeling all this pressure ♪ 795 00:29:47,412 --> 00:29:50,204 ♪ Am I the only one ♪ 796 00:29:50,205 --> 00:29:53,541 ♪ Still putting up a fight ♪ 797 00:29:53,542 --> 00:29:57,047 ♪ Trying to put us back together ♪ 798 00:29:57,797 --> 00:30:00,006 ♪ You are the one ♪ 799 00:30:00,007 --> 00:30:01,799 ♪ That I see ♪ 800 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:06,929 ♪ Can't shake these permanent memories ♪ 801 00:30:06,930 --> 00:30:09,724 ♪ On repeat... ♪ 802 00:30:09,725 --> 00:30:13,061 ♪ I already lost you once ♪ 803 00:30:13,062 --> 00:30:15,355 ♪ Can't lose you now ♪ 804 00:30:15,356 --> 00:30:18,441 ♪ You are the one that I need ♪ 805 00:30:18,442 --> 00:30:23,154 ♪ They say that nobody's perfect ♪ 806 00:30:23,155 --> 00:30:26,449 ♪ But we fit perfectly ♪ 807 00:30:26,450 --> 00:30:29,913 ♪ I already lost you once ♪ 808 00:30:32,123 --> 00:30:35,291 ♪ I already lost you once ♪ 809 00:30:35,292 --> 00:30:38,254 ♪ Can't lose you now ♪ 810 00:30:40,173 --> 00:30:43,841 ♪ You are the one that I see ♪ 811 00:30:43,842 --> 00:30:49,138 ♪ Can't shake these permanent memories ♪ 812 00:30:49,139 --> 00:30:51,182 ♪ On repeat ♪ 813 00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:55,019 ♪ I already lost you once ♪ 814 00:30:55,020 --> 00:30:57,607 ♪ I can't lose you now ♪ 815 00:31:00,819 --> 00:31:03,863 ♪ I can't lose you now ♪ 816 00:31:05,448 --> 00:31:10,036 ♪ You are the one that I need ♪ 817 00:31:13,581 --> 00:31:18,086 ♪ You are the one that I need ♪ 818 00:31:19,170 --> 00:31:22,755 ♪ You are the one that I see ♪ 819 00:31:22,756 --> 00:31:28,756 ♪ Can't shake these permanent memories ♪ 820 00:31:28,762 --> 00:31:30,972 ♪ On repeat ♪ 821 00:31:30,973 --> 00:31:34,434 ♪ I already lost you once ♪ 822 00:31:34,435 --> 00:31:37,687 ♪ Can't lose you now. ♪ 823 00:31:37,688 --> 00:31:43,688 Go to bed.